Wounded Healer
A lot of people assume that because your a healer that you’ve sorted all your stuff out and everything in your life is hunky dory.
I can assure you that this may not be the case especially in my situation anyway.
I have had two major health scares in last two years making me wonder if I’m like a cat but not knowing how many lives that I may have left, not that I want to find out.
Both my health issues although to do with different areas of my body are related to the emotional triggers and that I had to experience them to realise what it was that I needed to heel at a deep level. The Universe knows that it’s no good being subtle with me as I probably wouldn’t take any notice and although some tell tale signs were there, I perhaps wasn’t quite making the strict changes to my lifestyle that perhaps I needed to make. So the Universe decided to give me the biggest scares of my life. Firstly my heart bypass. I had abused my body for the first 45 years of my life until I had an epiphany after my Dad’s passing which incidently was responsible for my waking up and instigating my current journey.
This scare made me look long and hard at myself and correct my diet, lifestyle and attempt to up my exercise through walking a bit more, however I was still struggling. I believe that I had picked up a chest infection from the anaesthetic from the operation and a visit to the doctors with a flem sample confirmed this. My doctor couldn’t believe that I’d actually managed to walk into her surgery so bad was the sample but I had been taking lots of vitamins and minerals including high doses of vitamin C which had helped me to overcome most of the symptoms. Antibiotics were offered but didn’t materalise so I perserveered with my current regime. Over time especially in the winter months it would keep rearing it’s ugly head but disappear as the warmer weather encroached.
Until this year when after a cold, maybe the dreadful bug (I don’t know as I isolated but didn’t test) the Universe laid me low with excrutiating pain in my chest. My immediate thoughts was was my heart condition returning. I’d stopped taking my prescribed medication to replace it with natural remedies, had this been a mistake? Subsequent tests proved that it hadn’t and that I had developed a severe chest infection, probably a combination pneumonia and pleuresy which put me in hospital for around two weeks.
So where is this going? Well the emotions behind both my heart and lung conditions are linked. They are both about not releasing severe lifelong suppression of grief, fear and anger.
I was bullied as a child upto the age of 16, I became a rebel which encroached on my relationship with my Dad, damaging it badly. The punishments from him got continuosly worse until at one point we actually came to blows and I was asked to leave the family home. I had built up this new persona as a protection, telling myself and creating a new story about who I was. I put on this hard exterior (although I wasn’t), dressing as a biker and hanging around on the fringes of biker gangs. I’d become the school nutter getting upto all sorts of skullduggery, not fighting but creating disruption and havoc at school.
I joined the Army who channelled this aggression into the man they wanted me to be and slowly over the years my father and I repaired our relationship but without really discussing my past behaviour and his reaction to it. All of these events including some issues with Mum I’d buried including my Nan’s passing too. Just as my father and I had got to a great place he decided to pass which really cracked me up however his passing created a reaction leading me onto the path that I’m currently on. I sometimes think that our contracts were for this to happen so that I would realise my current potential.
My other huge grief was the failure of my marriage which also started to happen slowly over a long period of time until it culminated in my leaving. The heartache this prolonged drawn out situation was also buried deep.
Us blokes and some women are taught to keep a stiff upper lip, not show our emotions because it could be construed as a sign of weakness amongst our peers but it is the rocky road to ruin as I have proved with my health issues. I believe that as part of our soul contracts we have agreed to experience these trials, test and tribulations for our soul growth. In these events are the opportunities to learn lessons, have realisations and to learn from them and improve our outlook on life. Unfortunately we bogged down and become victim to our circumstances creating our own suffering as again has been proved in my case.
If we can step back from these challenges and take a third party look at what we wished to experience and learn from these events, learn from them, it enables us to move on and view our worlds from a totally different point of view.
So in summary I know that I've had issues to learn and release from. These events have helped me to have life experience so that I can better relate to my clients, if you haven’t experienced life how can you really relate and help others through their challenges? I don’t have any regrets over my life, my mistakes or my choices as they have all lead me to whom I am now and to whom I may become in the future. I know that I have a wonderful journey ahead with lots of new experiences and lessons but hopefully not as harsh as the ones I have just had.
Kev Bailey
